Life: An Excerpt

Snippet - I love that word!

2009-02-18T12:48:00.000-08:00

Hey, well its been almost a year since I've been on here. I felt randomly inspired the other day, and thought I would pick up the digital pen once more. Here's a snippet from a writing project I've been working on...

The Winter Of The Soul

As I look out my window I see a world covered in white, as winter is taking hold of the mountain terrain. The air is cooling, the clouds accumulating, and the winds are blowing in full furry as though to announce the coming arrival of a new winter storm. My driveway has become an ice-skating rink, a daily challenge, and a continuous reason for funny stories shared between my roommate and myself. I have become an expert in “shuffling,” in an effort to conquer the ice, though on occasion the ice wins.

I love the quiet beauty the snow brings, the hush it settles over the lives of busy people, as though it were God’s muffler for life’s noise like a mandatory Sabbath. Winter is the season of hope and a time of rest; one that requires great trust as it waits through the stillness. I know how easy the unrest comes as one is faced with a silent season of waiting. But I am learning now more than ever that times of waiting are for times of resting.

I can’t even begin to write of the struggle I have been in this last year, the last few months particularly, and the last few weeks dreadfully. To anticipate the fulfillment of a long awaited hope or dream, and to find it shattered to pieces at your feet instead is a very daunting experience! I’ve been there. Not just once, not just twice. No. Would you laugh to believe I’ve been there three times in the last year alone? It was like coming around a corner, after a long and enduring, winding, bending journey, expecting to at last find the road’s end around the next bend. Wrong. Instead you find it stretching out before you yet again, an endless path before your feet. And so the waiting begins again.

I cannot deny, however, that hope still remains and clings just as close even without reason. For this is the nature of hope.

…Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience (Romans 8:24-25).

That is why I call winter the season of hope; for it is the season when one looks without seeing, and waits for what it hopes with patience. I once found myself struggling to hope with patience, and related the circumstance to planting a seed in the soil. I took that seed of hope and I buried it deep in Christ. I gave it to Him, and watered it with my tears and my prayers. Countless times it felt as though I were staring at the barren ground for ages! To hold on in hope is not so difficult as to hope with patience, especially when one does not see any outward evidence. I was encouraged one day by the thought that like burying a seed in the ground, sometimes we bury our hope. And just as we do not see any immediate signs of growth or life, change is happening beneath the soil unknown to us. During another time of struggle I expressed it like this:

I wore sadness like a cloak today

Like a gray cloud it hung over my heart

It relented to the pain inside

And dropped down tears like the rain

Down on the sleeping soul of a winter soul

On a seed of hope long buried deep

Long reckoned dead it only sleeps

Watered by the very sadness that breaks overhead

Waiting for the day when that resounding YES

Will break the soil and set it free

And Sorrow’s seed becomes Joy’s fruition

-Saturday, December 6^th, 2008

Have you ever looked on nature with a sense of sympathy, gazing at what appears to be a world of lifeless things? There is nothing quite so lonely as looking at a patch of naked trees and remembering the beauty and robust life that once filled their expanse with green. Aspens are my favorite. I used to live in an area surrounded by them, and loved their glorious beauty in the summertime. Few moments of peace have I had as walking the lane in summer, listening to the trembling sound of their leaves as the warm breeze moved through them like a hand over a harp. I would walk there again in the seasons of winter with a longing remembrance of those sunny days. They stand now only lifeless and bare, stripped down to nothing.

Just this morning I was meditating on a song called I Surrender, and it struck chords deep in my soul. It would be no hard to thing to write of the discouragement and despair that one often finds in the wintry seasons. But what is far less obvious, yet no less true, is the deep beauty, the perfect peace, and greater knowledge of the love of Christ that we can find more in this place than perhaps in any other season. There are so many treasures ready to be discovered here, if we have the courage to push past what we see on the surface to find the priceless joys hidden underneath! This is the season to worship, for worship declares our trust in God. Worship puts hope back in our hearts again

Are you looking for healing? There is no healing balm like that of worship. For as we pour out our hearts in love to God, He pours back His love on us, washing over every hurt and broken place, making us whole and complete again. What is so ironic is that we could never know this process of being made whole if we were not first incomplete. We could never know the deepest compassions and love of God if we never walked through broken places. It is in these deep places and hardest times that we tap into the Father’s sweetest mercies. Even the earth needs its winter seasons. It cannot have new life again without displacing the old. Winter keeps the earth seasonally healthy, as it does our souls.

I had an experience this last weekend that brought a great breakthrough in my life. In desperation I was looking for an answer to something that had for months weighed me down. When you have waited for something for a long time, hearing no again is never easy. I thought I was ready to hear any answer that God would give me, but I had no idea how unready I really was. My heart had been shattered to pieces at my feet, and looking at it was like looking at those aspen trees again. I felt lifeless and bare, stripped down to nothing. But over the process of a few days, as I kept coming to God in worship, I found my heart softening again. It was the Lord preparing me to hear not only the answer, but to see His love behind the answer. It was in this place of worship that I came to surrender. When we come to God with surrendered hearts, He meets us in extraordinary ways. As I began to say, “I trust you God. I want your best. I surrender,” found Him piecing things back together again. Peace came back again, and hope filled every crevice. It was like watching the first snow of the season fall, covering the naked earth with its beauty. Surrender to it: surrender to God in the season. You never know the glorious joys and beauties to be found in the most unexpected times and places. This is how we are prepared for a new season of life! This is the season to hope.

The Looney Bean, Mazatlan

2008-03-21T19:24:00.000-07:00

Is officially open! For those of you who don't know, it is only the best coffee shop ever. The original one is in Mammoth, and I will say that I always opted it over Starbucks. All our focus this last week has been on getting the new shop ready to open here in Mazatlan, and training too - it has been so much fun! I never would have guessed steaming milk could be so tricky...ha...but I'm getting the hang of it and can make a pretty darn good latte. All in all the hard work, the late nights and early mornings have been a fair tradeoff. Its been a blast participating in Looney Bean history - I got to partake of the first cup of coffee, and be on the first shift when we opened on Wednesday morning (hopefully I'll get some pictures up soon). If I'm not at the shop, you just might find me hiding out in my room with the girls, snacking on Nutella and pretzels - yum! I'll even admit that we each have a personal jar stashed by our beds for quick access in time of a hankering crisis. Or I might be jetting around on the scooter...Nicole and I were riding home double one afternoon, and we just didn't see that speed bump hiding in the shadows - you know, the biggest one on the street? Ha, we totally made air and I lifted off the back of the scooter completely. We laughed so hard we almost had to pull over. Good times.
I worked the morning shift again today, and then walked down the street to the beach in the afternoon for a little time in the sun. How crazy is that - I get to work at the coolest coffee shop ever, located right next to a great beach. Sunny afternoons. Orange creamsickle frappes. Does life get any better?

All In A Days Work

2008-03-13T18:09:00.000-07:00

Life is full of transitions, comings and goings, changes…My arrival here in Mazatlan came at a most opportune time – its amazing how a change of scenery can aid the heart in transition. The endurance of change would have been harder to bear amidst familiar surroundings – the kind of surroundings that jog ones memory at every turn. But to be in a fresh place, doing fresh things, working along side new friends, and living where people hold no expectations over your head, has been a liberating experience. I am stepping into newness on a daily basis, and seek to leave what is past exactly where it is – in the past. And the scenery is beautiful – I live but some blocks from the ocean, in a great house that is constantly buzzing with wonderful people (there are about 20 of us living together, including the guests that come and go). The fellowship has been such a blessing! It is awesome to be surrounded by such wonderful and encouraging people every day. I am surprised and blessed to find myself surrounded by nine other young ladies – each so beautiful, sweet, and single too. Our times together have been amazing, and these wonderful girls constantly bless me. The last few weeks, indeed, what has nearly been a month now, have gone by in a blur of fun and hard work. I’ve certainly had some random adventures…I got hit in the back of the head with a rock while we were doing ministry at the dump, and had a nice size bump for about a week. Got to eat some ground, raw fish at another ministry site – needless to say it took a few days to recuperate from that adventure. I love walking to the little store a few houses down and getting a coke for 50 cents. We do kids club ministry every week in a poor neighborhood…I had a horrible cold for about two weeks, and last week I took some kind of stuff for sinus/ear/throat/chest stuff, not quite sure what it was cause the box was in Spanish…anyways, I took it right before kids club and didn’t realize it would make me drowsy until it was too late. I was so out of it and had to do ministry anyways. I was a zombie at the craft table! The other day we were walking back from somewhere, and I was looking down at my feet and didn’t see the cactus coming. Yeah, I got all kinds of fuzzy little hair-like splinters in my arm. Those were a lot of fun pulling out. Yesterday Mel and I had to take the bikes to the grocery store – you know, those old fashioned kind of bikes with the funny handle bards and a basket. And then we had the load the groceries in and tote them back. We were quite a sight, and we laughed at ourselves the whole way. Calling slug bugs is a favorite game, cause there are a million of them down here. Went to a salsa dancing club the other night and had a blast dancing the night away. I can keep up with the best of em’, and I’m not gonna lie, it was way too much fun. And mafia nights are always a hit.
Been helping a lot in prep for the new Looney Bean coffee shop to open up (this weekend hopefully). Yesterday I scrubbed the floor by hand for about 6 hours to prep it for staining. I have a new respect for construction workers – its hard work! Got to do some painting too. Its cool to see it all coming together, and once it opens I’ll be on the schedule about five days a week. How exciting! Each week comes out a little different. One week we were working with the San Diego Masters Commission, the next we helped run the surf tournament. Our current focus is the coffee shop, but tomorrow we leave to help with a surf camp. We get to sleep on the beach, surf, and hang out with the kids for two days – yay! I keep waiting for us to figure out a consistent schedule, but each day seems to bring its own fresh, and often unforeseen, needs. But we live on Mexico time, so as crazy as it gets sometimes, it is still always in that easy going ebb and flow. We are almost finished with our book study on John Wimber’s Power Evangelism, which is totally awesome. Once a week the four of us (Joel, Raf, Mel and I) take sandwiches downtown to talk and pray with people, and none of us really speak Spanish, so it’s a perfect opportunity for us to put into practice what we are reading, cause we certainly can’t do it on our own! I am taken back how fast the time has gone by, and I will be thoroughly enjoying every moment of the next month here in Mazatlan. Taking from God’s hand each day as it comes, and pouring my heart and soul into it – its all in a days work.

Time and Feelings

2007-12-19T18:25:00.000-08:00

“I know not what else to say, but that I am oft aloof in life’s paradox. It enthralls me, and I am overcome. Times goes ever tumbling into the great abyss of eternity, like sand through one’s fingers. But this thing I do grasp; that I feel. But indeed, this thing of time is of a much more substantial reality than those tangible things called feelings. For time overcomes feelings – it lays them bare and raw, stripped down to reality. Time allows us to see them as they really are. Time is the light, test, and proof of truth. And truth is the anchor to which we hold when all feeling would stand to deem a connotation of doubt and fear.”
- Friday, June 16th, 2006

Out on a limb.

2007-12-15T22:21:00.000-08:00

Have you ever seen a child do something, and witnessed their mortification as they realize people are watching and then freak out? Or when you do something so stupid, and it just gets worse when you realize it didn't go unseen? Yeah. Sometimes life can feel like its on display. Alas for those moments when you let your guard down. That moment of transparency when all feels safe, and then all of a sudden...crap! Not as safe as you thought. Its a huge risk to take your shell off, and stand in a place of vulnerability. But oh the agony of being in such a place and then getting that detrimental feeling that you might have taken a fatal risk! To think you are safe and expose yourself. To be standing out in the open, vulnerable and bare. To think you are safe and to discover you are not is, well, simply petrifying...I long for the place of security, to let down completely, to give in, let go, to love and be loved with nothing hindered.

A New Day

2007-12-06T09:00:00.000-08:00

A new day, a beautiful new day...
As I gazed out the window this morning I watched the storm clouds move over the silhouette of the mountains, as the sun came peaking through. The best mornings are the stormy ones. To see those big, grey clouds glide over the horizon, and watch the sun rise to illuminate them into a beautiful array of color. God can take the gloomy things - the hard things, and even little things that try our patience - and turn them into something beautiful. He takes life's storms and turns them into a beautiful sunrise. He turns darkness into incandescence."I think today is a good example of the place I am at right now. A little cloudy, a little windy. Things are gently moving, rearranging. Maybe a little uncertain. But scattered here and there are patches of blue, and every now and then the sun peaks out with it's refreshing warmth as a gentle reminder that it was there all along. Just another small storm passing through, on the verge of spring, with the promise of better weather to follow. But even so, I enjoy such days as these. And even though during stormy weather we dream of sunshine, we still can get tired of too many days of sunshine. Its days like this that refresh and calm the soul. And so I thank God for this season of my life. For I know He is in control, and with the promise of fair weather ahead, I seek to find joy even in the glooms of today, so as to completely enjoy tomorrow's sunshine..."
-Journal Entry, April 11th, 2007
2 Samuel 22:29, "For You are my lamp, O Lord, and the Lord illuminates my darkness."

From the inside out

2007-12-04T16:49:00.000-08:00

Craziness...yeah. I just got back from a week in LA helping with a ski show. Man, that was hard work, long and hard, but fun. We picked up our new student, Melissa, who's from Australia, while we were there. She's amazing and I just love her! What a breath of fresh air - she's such a diligent worker, easy-going, and "heaps" of fun. These last two weeks have blown by in a furry of business, surprise, and awesome fellowship. The renovation I feel on the inside is insane. It is hard to see the ugly things God brings to the surface as He refines my life. In the last few weeks I feel as though I gave in to my own weariness, and I see all too clearly the vice of my own selfishness. It is so annoying to me to see how wired I am to put me first. But God's grace is changing me day by day, little by little, from the inside out.

Alive and well

2007-11-16T15:12:00.001-08:00

Yes, I am alive...I think I should be getting back into the swing of blogging again.
A lot has happened over the last two months...I had a wonderful trip home for Bethany's wedding shower, more day to day life with an extraordinary God - resulting in much inward change. Trip to Redding for Bethel's Open Heaven's conference - a lifechanger. Learning more about moving in the prophetic - got and given some cool words lately. Harvest party - theme Under the Sea - I was a starfish. Ha. Went home for a week for Beth & Chris' wedding - spectacular, amazing, and so beautiful. I'm so behind on homework its ridiculous! Yesterday M2C completed training with Disabled Sports - I got to hit the slopes for two days, and learn about the cool equipment they use to help disabled people ski and snowboard. I'm so excited to be a part of the program this season, and for all the people I'm gonna get to meet and work with, not to mention that we get compensated with lift tickets - yehaw! Tomorrow I'm helping out with a wedding. Didn't I just do this? Its a cowboy theme - should be heaps of fun. Alrighty. Well, I'll post up some of my new devotionals soon. Still working on pictures. Peace out.

Hi!

2007-10-17T13:05:00.001-07:00

Its time for a new post! Yeah, I'll be working on that asap...

Rivers in the Desert

2007-10-07T22:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning we went to the Choo Choo Swap Meet in Bishop...browsing around I came to a vendor who had a bunch of old books, when one caught my attention by the title of Rivers in the Desert, by Mrs. Charles Cowman, a classic and wonderful compilation (from all the great, classic authors) style daily devotional. To make it better it is a 1937 edition! Yeah, this made my day, no, my week! Its beautiful, and might just get me hooked on collecting old books. The best part is that I used the book as an opportunity to talk with the man who was selling it. Come to find out is grandfather was a baptist preacher, and he had basically had the word pounded into him as a little boy (he could quote plenty). He said himself though that his granddaughter told him that he has it all in is head, but his heart is still unchanged. He spoke of how life is a great gamble. How people wait until they get hit by a car and survive to get right with God. I encouraged him not to wait till such a thing happens, that eternity is never worth a gamble. He talked about the end times, and I asked him if he would be ready. It was really awesome because he has a lot of Word in him (and God's word does not return void) - it was cool to stir it up in him, and hopefully some provoking thoughts to not wait till its too late to let that word transform his heart. So yeah, it was so cool not only to find the book, but to find an open door for a great conversation because of it!

Some Ketchup

2007-10-05T11:18:00.000-07:00

Wow, I have been slacking on keeping up here! Too often I guess I'm just too tired in the evenings to actually take the energy to type anything intellectual, or the computer is taken or something - our wireless isn't working anymore so I can't just hop on my laptop.
This last week has been busy - we had another day of pulling weeds and hauling rocks off the church property. The weather is crazy. Its so cold in the mornings - I'm usually bundled in a jacket and a beanie. Then by the afternoons its pretty hot, and we're in short sleeved t's. Except for this morning - it is so COLD and has been snowing!
Last Thursday we began our once a week Worship Watch with an awesome lady in our church, Leyla. Its an awesome, out-of-the-box, two hour session we spend in worship, prayer, and intercession. We shout, sing "new songs," sing scripture, pray scripture...its been awesome and we've had some great times in the presence of the Lord. Yesterday we celebrated the last day of the Feast of Tabernacles before our worship watch, and had an awesome lunch together over a teaching about the feast. So cool.
I have also started giving one of the high school girls, Elizabeth Haakana, piano lessons. I'm excited to get to spend time with her - she's so precious! Plus its a great opportunity for me to continue learning how to teach.
Speaking (well, writing really) of music, I had coffee on Sunday afternoon with our church worship leader, Bethany Hicks. She had called me that morning before church and had me sing with the worship team at church - I had so much fun! So we went to coffee that afternoon and had such an awesome time together, and basically she is going to be mentoring me in worship, and possibly as a future worship leader. She is also going to help me do keyboard on Sunday mornings, which I am totally excited about because that is something I have really been wanting to learn. And I am officially on the worship team schedule! Hurray! I'm just so excited to be spending time with her, and finding a mentoring relationship in her, because she's just so awesome, and in a lot of ways someone I would love to aspire to.
This is just one of many ways I feel like God has just been showering blessings on me. Through all the struggle and dryness of the last year and a half, of walking alone and feeding myself, it is so very very refreshing to find a river of refreshment pouring into my life.
We also started Kidz Club this week (it is like an after-school program we do once a week for K-5th grade) - we had a great kick-off with about 25 kids. Raf brought his waterballoon launcher (its like a giant slingshot), which was a BIG hit. I have to admit, we almost had more fun with it than the kids did!
I've had my struggles this week too. One morning I was so frustrated, I felt like Jacob wrestling with God. I'm still uncertain as to what that was all about (I know what subject, but as to why the great struggle). It was just so intense! I couldn't make sense in my mind, couldn't wrap my brain around it. But in the end, whether it made sense or not, I just had to let it go. I guess I'm learning too, another aspect of prevailing prayer. I just didn't want to let go. Didn't feel like was supposed to. I wanted to attain that promise, and I wasn't going to let go until He gave it!
The staff had breakfast this morning with our associate pastor, Kyle, and another of our teachers, Keven. It was so good - I totally love the maturity, and intellectual conversation. Kyle is going start Joel and I on an awesome, seminary level, book. I'm excited about the mentoring that will be coming from them too, and I am excited for a higher level of challenge.
I finally got a hold of Raf's pictures (more from our hike to the cross, our time pulling weeds in Palm Desert, and our hike up rock creek), and got them on my computer, so I'll be posting them soon!

Pictures from our hike to the cross

2007-10-01T10:03:00.000-07:00

Hannah

Juju!

Nice shoes boys...

Hannah and I ready to go!

Taking a break

The boys climb a rock

Cristian climbing

Crazy Cristian

Crowley Lake

Random

We made it!

Brent and Raphael

The cross

Top quality hiking shoes

Hannah and Brent - I miss these guys!

Tea party...

Prideful Servant

2007-09-26T21:33:00.000-07:00

Today we went on another hike up past rock creek, and spent some time by this beautiful lake tucked away in the mountains. We each wrote a letter to God and put it in the "sacred tube," where they will remain hidden until May. I'm looking forward to reading my letter again, and being able to look back on answered prayer. It was such an enjoyable experience for me as I sat on the grass alone by the water to compose my letter. I let my hair down to just blow in the breeze, and soaked up the warmth of the sunshine. The view was amazing - snowcaped mountains, glittering lake, the day warm and sunny. The times I've had with the Lord lately have been bliss. I feel like He has pulled me in somehow to a deeper place of intimacy.
This will be my third night in the lodge, and it has been fun being here. Not the hard transition I thought it was going to be. No, but it has been a blessing. Each day has been unique and enjoyable. We did some cleaning at the church yesterday - cleaned out a shed, and cleaned up the path out back by Eric's office. I love getting to work with my hands. There is something so rewarding about working hard. Though sometimes I feel at a loss as to what to do, because I may not have the necessary knowledge about the needed task, and I find it frustrating because I do not want to watch others "do," I want to be right in the middle, working hard. I find this to be a work of humility in me also. Raphael and Jennifer each have such an authentic love for the Lord, and a heart to serve. It gets my pride when I find them doing more than me, or serving me. I guess we can be prideful even in trying to be "least." What a way though for me to grow as a leader, to be challenged even by those who are supposed to be "following." I guess I am finding it difficult to be served. But I just remind myself that I shouldn't shun them practicing service, just because it stirs my pride. They are God's blessing in my life to challenge me to take something like service to a new level. Where would the challenge be in setting an example, of lets say service (since we're on the topic), for someone who didn't serve at all? That's not much of a challenge. How much more will it stretch me to set an example for two who are already such servants? Isn't it exciting to be pushed and stretched? Yeah. Ok. Easier said than done!
Each day is a living mystery - we're never quite sure what we're gonna do next, but things keep unfolding with blessing. Tomorrow is our first meeting up in Mammoth with a group, and we will be having a time to just minister to the Lord in intercession and the word for a couple of hours. I'm totally stoked. Oh, and we started our classes yesterday. We are doing a class kind of like New Testament survey, starting in Matthew, and it is great. I'm totally loving getting into all the little details. You know me, I was the weird one in ENLI who actually loved the church history, OT and NT survey, and all those crazy fun little details. I love getting down to the nitty-gritty of the word, and studying all its facets. This is totally up my alley. Man, life is good!

Pirates and Ninjas

2007-09-22T19:09:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll! I just want to say that if you are reading this it is probably because you're a wonderfully dear person in my life. I love and appreciate you each more and more, as time and distance seems to make people more dear and precious. So thank you to each of you, and how you have been such a blessing in my life!
God has been doing such an amazing work in my life, and I can see the transformation in what has been a month already. Wow. This last week has been full of fun fellowship. Such a blast. Seriously, I had to get away today because I couldn't take being around people anymore! Today has been an amazing day of much needed rest. I recharged my batteries and I'm ready to go for another crazy round of life!
The last few days have been a blast. Wednesday we cleaned up the lodge before we left for Palm Desert (well, the mountains near there anyways) in preparation for a group of 60 who is staying in the lodge this weekend. I asked one of the guys how their side looked and he was like, "seriously, I was just over there and it is looking good. Go look for yourself!" Ha ha, I did and it was NOT clean! I filled an entire sheet of paper with a list of things to clean, and man you should have heard the groans! I totally felt like a mom, and I thought for sure they would hate me. But I was put in charge of making sure it was clean and by golly I didn't let anything slide! I put down an iron fist of cleanliness; they hated it, and I loved every minute. Seriously, it was hilarious.
The ride down was fun. I rode with Brent and Hannah (Tommy Ho's students). Hannah got me started on a kind of game - basically you have to find out if you are a pirate or ninja. There aren't really any rules. We kind of came up with our own definition of what we thought each one was based on character traits, and developed hysterical conversation over about three hours. Hannah is a pirate. Pirates wear distinctive things sometimes, or their always bumping into things, or saying senseless things. Or their tuff and super go-getters. I'm a ninja - we're stealth. We sneak up on you and take you by surprise. We're sly and witty. It was the funniest thing we just couldn't stop all night. Every few minutes one of us would be like, "oh my gosh, that was so pirate." Or I would say something super savvy, and be like, "duh, that's cause I'm ninja." What was really funny is that we got everyone into it that night. It was one of the funniest nights ever! We stayed up almost till 1am playing this mafia card game called Family Business, which is my new favorite game. We were all so tired and had a million verbal slips that made no sense, and my stomach hurt from laughing so much. I was so wired and over tired that I couldn't fall asleep till after 2:30am, and I had to get up at 6:30 to pull weeds! Oh yeah, that's why we were there, by the way, to pull weeds on this ranch which was GORGEOUS, as a fundraiser for MC.
We worked hard all day, and played and laughed while we worked. By the end of the day my back and my hands hurt, and my legs were sore from our hike. But I loved the fact that I hurt because I climbed a mountain, and I worked hard all day. I was very sad to have to say goodbye to Hannah (she and Brent had to leave that afternoon). It was just like Mazatlan - I met an instantly great friend, and had to say goodbye only days later. But what a blessing she was to have for a time, even if it was only a few days. Seriously, without her I would I been left to those crazy boys all by myself!
I got home yesterday afternoon, after spending 6 hours smashed in a car with four guys. Yep, I was stuck in a manwich for 6 hours! To make it worse Christian was in the back seat, and he is a big guy (like CB). I seriously thought I was going to kill them that last hour! But it was still fun. Matt and Raf knew a bunch of riddles, and Christian too, so that distracted us for hours. We even played a game of Family Business, driver and all! At one point Joel thought he was going to pull a ninja move and be sly and show Matt his cards in the rear view mirror, totally forgetting that I was sitting in the middle and saw them all. Yeah, we had plenty of moments where we died laughing. All in all I was happy to be back, and so happy to get my cramped legs out of that stinky car (enough said)! We returned to a very cold Crowley. I guess the mountain got like three inches of snow. Even today has been rainy and snowy, and unusually cold. Fluke or not, this cold front has sent the leaves changing, and already there are bits of yellow here and there. Just watch my first winter will be a fierce one!
Wow this was a long one, but I had a lot to catch up on! I am so blessed. Our morning times of prayer and the word have been amazingly refreshing. I just stared out the window this morning and watched the stormy clouds hang over the beautiful mountains, and it ministered peace to my soul. God is amazing, and life's journey is amazing if we can have the courage to trust Him and just go for it...
P.S. I've got a bunch of pictures I'll be posting soon!

Poptart

2007-09-18T22:55:00.000-07:00

Yummy yummy I'm eating a poptart before bed! Just got back from Wild Willie's hotcreek - you go down this dirt road out in the middle of nowhere, and then walk down a long path to the creek. It was awesome. The night was chilly, the creek toasty, and a million stars were out. On our way back Joel got a little happy driving down the dirt road and went over two bumps in the road (one right after the other) full speed - we caught air over our seats and I think one of the guys hit his head on the roof. Hannah (A girl visiting from Tommy Hovsepian's school) and I all of a sudden looked at eachother and realized we had grabbed hands at some point when we were bounced off our seats. We laughed so hard. Good times. It was a great end to a very long day.
We hiked up the mountain behind Crowley to a cross up on top (maybe 2,000 feet up or so). It was a killer hike - my poor legs (we were all in shorts) are so scratched and beat up! All the way up there were oodles of bushes and dead branches, and there isn't really a trail. You just hike straight up as best you can. By the end we were all cut up. But it was fun, and the view up there was amazing!
I started moving into the lodge today. I'm excited to be in, and I can't wait to be settled. Everything else is great. Morning prayer has been a blessing - its awesome to have that time set aside. We also started reading through the Bible, which we will finish in the 9 months of the program.
Tomorrow we are heading out to some property in the mountains somewhere near palm desert to pull weeds for two days. Yep. Pull weeds. But its a fundraiser so its all worth it. Probably be back late Thursday or Friday, so don't freak out if I don't promptly post every two days ;) Well, morning prayer comes early at 7:30am...so much for getting to bed early! I just seem to keep getting pulled into fun things. Thank you Lord for all the good times of fellowship you have given me!
Ok. Poptart is gone, and its time for bed...

More change

2007-09-16T23:06:00.000-07:00

The last few days have been a continuum of change, awful challenging, and just plain fun. Been spending quite a bit of time with Michelle, a much needed friendship on both our parts. It also has been fun getting to know our two new students, Raf (Rafael) who is from Switzerland, and Jennifer. We've been hanging out, having tea parties, watching movies, going for walks, driving to town, gettin' to know eachother.
Saturday night we officially commenced M2C (Mammoth Master's Commission - get used to that!) over dinner with a great group. It is amazing how much has changed in the last two days, and how things just keep changing. We really only have about three students total now. Raf, and Jen are for sure. Mel, from Australia, is coming late November. Thats about all that is certain, besides the fact that we are completely trusting God's control. Joel and I were cracking up at the Lighthouse tonight over people's reactions to our size this year "ooooh, thats great." "Well, you can all fit in one car!" "You'll be really free to come and go!" A lot of well meaning, economical comments. I suppose you'd need me to impersonate for the full affect. Anyways, it is way too funny, and we don't find it discouraging but humorous!
Jennifer is SO precious! She has some handicap, but she is very vibrant, talkative, and excited to be a part of what we are doing. Due to the current sittuation, I will be moving out of my wonderful haven here at the Rianda's and moving to the more self-giving, and probably growth-promoting, lodge. Not exactly an idea I was pleased about earlier today, but there has been pleanty of change in me just over the last few hours. I'm not looking forward to moving again, BUT, if thats where God wants me then thats where I want to be. Besides, I'm getting tired of all this back and forth business between here and the lodge, and I'm over there all the time anyways. Please pray for me for yet another transition! I'm very excited to get to be a close part of Jennifer's life - to be right there getting to see the change happening in her, and changing right there with her. I know it'll be great once I get settled in, I just need the grace to transition with joy! You know me, I hate change. But the fun moments make it so worth it. I had such a great time connecting with Jennifer and her mom on Saturday night, and the dinner was just such a great chance to all be together. Afterwards I went bowling with the guys. Yep. Me, an Aussie, a Swiss dude, and a Mexican (he's visiting from Mazatlan - not a student). What a group we were. Only two of us spoke English as a first language, and all of them have great accents. I bowled probably the worst games of my life with like a 40 something and a 52! But it was so much fun. Its those times that make it all worth it, and there are so many more to come. I am chosing to say yes to God despite what I feel and see. To say yes to God and what He has spoken over my life. His purpose. His plan. So, bring on the change, I am moving forward with JOY!

Change

2007-09-14T09:36:00.000-07:00

Everything changes, and life is seldom what it seems. Things turn out differently. People disappoint you. And things you thought would disappoint you sometimes surprise you.
My life has been an ebb & flow of change, and I have my own battles of frustration to deal with on a daily basis. But I am trying to see past these petty things to the hand of God - annoyances can be as much a hardship as anything, and there isn't anything quite like them that will quickly show one's lack of character.
Yesterday was more planning - it is hilarious to be on a team with two Aussies. They are constantly chatting on things that just go over my head. Its kind of like living with a nonstop geico commercial.
I hung out with Michelle again last night - she made the playdough while Christian (a returning MC student) and I tinkered on the piano. Later Michelle and I watched Love Comes Softly, and we made a date to watch the second one tonight. Good times.
We also have a new girl, Jennifer, who is coming on Saturday - yippee! So by November we will have three guys and three girls. We officially start tomorrow - how crazy is that!?
Here are some pics from my adventure in Mazatlan...

The girls at church

Kristen, Monica & I

Joel & I on the scooter

Kristen & I

Monica & I at the lighthouse

Joel & Matt

City Lights

Taking in the view

My fav. - yeah baby I took this!

Quicky...

2007-09-12T21:26:00.000-07:00

Ok, I've got to get to bed, but because I am so OCD and I HAVE TO update every two days, so...Today was a much better day. I don't even want to waste time on yesterday, but today was great. Joel and I tagged along with Mat on a fieldtrip for the Crowley jr high to the Mammoth Library (Mat is one of the few people who can drive the van). It was so fun to be with the girls - their so stinken cute! We got a few errands done, and it was just fun to get out. Later in the afternoon Joel and I went on some more errands in town, and stocked up on groceries for the lodge. Came home, unloaded, and organized the kitchen. By that time I only had an hour before the girls' Bible study. I hung out with Michelle, made pizza, and went over to E&P's. It was great to be with the girls again. Michelle does the after school program for the Crowley school, and she's is making edible playdough tomorrow. I'm gonna go help her if I have some time. So today was pretty non-stop social. Thank you Jesus. I'll blog about something deep sooner or later. At this point I'm still trying to catch up on sleep from our late arrival on Monday!

On the road again...

2007-09-10T07:55:00.000-07:00

Well, its been an awesome week here in Mazatlan, but I am looking forward to being home today.
Our staff group went to breakfast before church yesterday at this awesome restaurant right on the beach. The food was great and the view was beautiful. After church a bunch of people came over and we just hung out, had lunch, and me and the girls enjoyed a well-needed siesta - Monica, Kristin (she is living here with the Lonsdales) and I had stayed up past 2am watching a movie Saturday night. It was so funny because I was so tired I just cried and cried during the movie (we watched The Notebook). Yesterday evening we hiked up this huge hill to a lighthouse as the sun was setting. It was so beautiful to watch it set over the ocean, and watch the lights come out over the shoreline. It took us some time to get back down because we kept getting distracted by all the glow-worms along the path. What good fun. I am so gonna miss the beach!
So many things are changing.

"Its a mosquito bite..."

2007-09-08T19:44:00.000-07:00

Yesterday morning I woke up with a plethora of new mosquito bites on my poor legs...they've come to a whopping total of 37 now! Y'all know how white I am too - my poor bites are so red and puffy! Been doing a lot of swimming. It is so great to come back from a walk to the store or something feeling totally grose and sweaty and being able to just go jump in the pool...ah...yeah. Just got back (like minutes ago) from a get-together with the church youth at the beach and had my second day of surfing - yehaw! Surprisingly for a beginner I caught a wave pretty good today, and I ate the last one pretty hard (hence why it was my last one!). I timed it horribly - before I could get any breath the wave broke on me and took me under in a tumble mass of furry. It freaked me out but I was fine. It is awesome though when the wave picks you up just right and you stand up right on top of it. I only held it a second, but it was a sweet second.
Joel (our other staff member, from Australia) finally made it in yesterday. He was only able to get a 90 day visa, but at least he will be with us for that time. Please pray that he doesn't have any trouble getting into the states when we fly back in together this Monday!
Love and miss you all...I gotta go, we're having breakfast for dinner =)

Rats!

2007-09-06T09:32:00.000-07:00

After church last night I went with a group of people to see a movie (License to Wed). Most of the movies they have here are in English with Spanish subtitles. So we're sittin there watching the movie when this guy across the aisle jumps up and panics something about a rat. Myself and the girls on either side of me naturally freaked out, tucked our legs up, and sat that way for the rest of the movie. Some minutes later, like 4 rows down, there was a wave of people jumping up and screaming as the rat apparently ran down the row. Man like the whole theater was laughing so hard and screaming, it was SO funny! Much more entertaining than the movie. So next time you go to the movies in Mexico, make sure to keep your feet up ;)

El Humido!

2007-09-04T13:30:00.000-07:00

Hello from Mazatlan! Wow what a journey it was just to get here. I had a blast Sunday night watching the demolition derby at the fair, and then we had quite the clean-up job, but God totally blessed us with some great help. Got to bed around 1am, got up at 2:30am, slept in the car for a few hours on our way to LA. Around 3 in the afternoon three zombies named Matt, Abby, & Lacy, and an amazingly happy baby named Nissi, arrived in Mazatlan. We were so out of it it was hilarious. The weather is overcast and a little rainy, but I'm being told its a complete blessing because it makes it cooler. What? If this is cooler I don't want to know what hot is! Gotta love the humidity too - I feel wet all over all the time, and my hair is insane - its awesome! And forget makeup. None of it. Anyways, the Lonsdale's house (where we are staying) is awesome, and it is fun just relaxing and being together. I already met this really nice chick named Monica, who is a dancer, and we're already planning a girls night, and she is going to take me dancing! Anyways, the fresh tortilla's are about to be eaten so I gotta get to the kitchen! Chau Pues...

Ve're bonding here, aren't we George?

2007-09-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

So I was riding my bike over to the lodge yesterday to begin the long process of cleaning that place up (man it was crazy! It took us like 4 hours just to do one half!). Half of the way to the lodge is a not-too-steep, but nice size hill. I was feeling more tired than usual chucking up the hill on my bike. It was pretty hot yesterday too. So I'm almost to the top and my legs feel like jelly, and I just keep telling myself that I'm almost there, and once I get there the rest is downhill. I made it. Whew. As I turned onto Aspen Terrace, which loops around to the lodge, Lori McDonald shouted hello, so I turned about to stop and say hi. Thank God I did! We chatted a few moments, when all of a sudden I started to feel woozy. By the time I got into the house I could hardly stand, thought I was going to barf, and started seeing spots. For about ten minutes I sat at the kitchen table unable to move, and the window in front of me looked like a fuzzy tv screen. I broke into a sweat, and apparently turned very pale, and then green. Lori was like, "do you have asthma?" I guess I stared wheezing too. It was pretty crazy. After about 15 min. my throat opened up, and my vision cleared. Lori saw me the rest of the way to the lodge. I was supposed to meet Abby there, but when we got there she was no where to be found. All I could think to myself was, "oh my gosh, what if I hadn't stopped? I would have gotten to the lodge and probably passed out with no one there!" Anyways, it was a pretty funny bonding experience for us, and now I call her Lori my Lifesaver.
Note to self - don't push yourself until you're completely acclimated (hurray for living at high altitude), and drink LOTS of water. Needless to say I had quite the day. After that episode I spent the rest of the day cleaning the lodge. Had a couple hours off, and then went to the fair to do the grandstand clean-up. Yeah. I'm tired today. Tonight is our last night of clean-up - we'll get back around 12:30am or so, then we'll drive to LA around 2:30am, and fly out to Mazatlan at 9:45am. I'm stoked. So this'll probably be my last post until next week! Have a good one y'all and I'll catch ya on the flip side...

A fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord

2007-08-31T14:03:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I reluctantly had the afternoon free. The day had been full of unexpectancies, of which I found myself unable to help, and thus unable to really do anything. I was supposed to help clean the lodge (the guys side is SO gross!), but one thing led to the other and we didn't have enough time, so we made assessments, and left the work to today. I was feeling lonely so I drove to Mammoth to go the the Loony Bean. I brought along A Quest for Love, and finished it on a comfy couch with a delicious mint mocha(mmmmm...). It was just what I needed - some great coffee, people, and a great book. A perfect pick-me-up.
I left later in the evening for the tri-county fair in Bishop. Master's is doing the grandstand clean-up each night as a fundraiser. I had an awesome time getting to know a few girls who came to help out. There was so much gross junk left over! I couldn't help thinking of Templeton's song from Charlotte's Web, "A fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord orgasbord, after the crowds have ceased. Each night when the lights go out, it can be found on the ground all around, oh, what a ratly feast!"
My new addiction is the Rubik's cube. Matt loves puzzles so he has all kinds of crazy stuff like that at their house. Which, by the way, I am getting good at "dropping in." Ha ha. Mom'll understand that! They laugh at me, and like last night they said, "hey, good job you didn't even knock!" Yep. I dropped in this morning at ate their waffles. Mmmmm....
Well, I'm going to watch Finding Neverland and do some reading while I have the chance. Then I'll be helping to do a deep cleaning of the lodge, and the clean-up at the fair again tonight. Peace out y'all!
A fair is a veritable smorgasbord orgasbord....

She was such a nice little squirrel...

2007-08-29T17:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was quite the adventure. We drove about 2 1/2 hours to Pinecrest (over the Sonora pass), where a couple families from the church have been camping this week. I'm surprised I didn't get car sick because it is the worst road I have ever been down, but poor Abby got super sick. We stopped for about a half hour on the other side of the pass just to recuperate. All better after a rest, we were driving the rest of the way, when all of a sudden I saw this brown blur of fur go straight under the car and then THUD...poor little thing, she was such a nice little squirrel. I just thought I would take a moment to commemorate her with a moment of silence..........ok, ha ha. Anyways, when we got there we enjoyed the remaining sunshine before the approaching storm arrived. The lake was beautiful. It has a spot where about 8 logs are strung together out into the lake. Its a fun challenge to try to walk out to the last log as they spin and bob under you. I only made it to the end of the third log! It was a blast swimming a while, then we changed and hung out in trailers at the campsite while the sky drizzled. I met some of the girls who are in the youth group. It was fun and I am excited about getting connected with them. I had tea and watched a game of Othello - it was delightful. The drive back wasn't nearly so bad, and we got home just as the sun was disappearing.
Today was down to business. We started the morning off with a good time of prayer, and brainstormed through the afternoon. We've come up with some good ideas and its pretty exciting! It was great to feel useful today. In about an hour I am going to the young ladies Beth Moore Bible study group at the Stovesands, and I'm looking forward to seeing the girls again.
I'm tired already and we've hardly begun! I love it though.
Prayer requests:

Joel still doesn't have his visa, but it is looking like he'll get it in time to fly in and meet up with us in LA to fly to Mazatlan together. Pray that everything goes through!
The rest of this week, and next week, well, Monday the 3rd through Monday the 10th is when we'll be in Mexico really putting together the vision and plan for this year. This is the most crucial time for us as a leadership team because this is when everything is being shaped and put together. There are a lot of things changing this year and things will be different. We need creativity and God's will combined to plan an awesome, life-changing year!
I think I'm fighting another sinus infection (well, I have been the last few weeks). My ears are hurting and my head hurts a lot. There are some nasty bushes blooming too. So I don't know if its still sinus stuff or allergies too, but my head feels gross. Yeah.

I love and miss you all. Thanks for the comments (those posted and those not) - they make my day!

My own set of wheels!

2007-08-27T22:32:00.000-07:00

Abby is lending me a bike that she doesn't use, so yay I'll be trotting around Crowley on a bike! I'm happy because its absolutely rediculous to really drive around Crowley when you can walk. But sometimes you just don't feel like walking for 8 min. if it could take you one to drive you know? Now I can zip around, get exercise, and not waste gas. Hurray!

On your mark, get set, GO!

2007-08-25T22:38:00.000-07:00

After 22 years, and about 5 months, I am a resident of California again. My transition here has been an easy one, for the most part, and that is not a difficulty if you could see this place and know these people. I feel so much at home here with Kent and Jeri Rianda (my wonderful home-openers). Kent is the more driven, task-oriented, detailed entrepreneur, who is always full of stories. Jeri is more mellow, and probably less by-the-book I would guess. None of her recipes ever come out the same (she says), she loves to experiment and doesn't usually plan, though everything she makes turns out amazing (so I heard and now I know for myself). They have a golden retriever named Honey, who, needless to say, is pretty mellow, but man can get you all wet. They also have a chiwawa named Minny, who is adorable and surprisingly not yippy at all. My room is beautiful. The walls are painted a warm tone of yellow, and sponged over gold, the decor and furniture (I have a really cool sleigh bed with drawers underneath) are kind of victorian with this outdoorsy touch. The linens are shades of yellow, gold, and red in paisley and stripes. Totally me. Seriously, it is the most comfortable bed I have EVER slept in! I could write a whole blog about my bed - ha ha! It is a great room, and it feels like sunshine and I love it!
I had some good time with Matt and Abby today, and already they have things for me to do. Each moment proves my fears wrong, and my doubts are dissipating. My life is gonna get pretty crazy from here on out. It's funny cause I wasn't expecting it to pick up so fast so soon, its like on your mark, get set, GO! I love it. This week we are going camping for a few days with a bunch of other families in the church, then this weekend we are doing the clean-up for a big fare to help raise funds. That'll be over late Sunday night, and we leave at about 3am Monday to drive to LA, to fly to Mazatlan, to chill on the beach for a week, come back for a week, program starts, and the insanity begins for the next nine months. Its basically awesome. So y'all, I'm doing great. I am so blessed. I am getting a CA drivers license and gonna get my class B license so I can drive the van. Its gonna be a life-changing nine months. Like having a baby or something, I might come out the other end a whole new person.

Packing...I'm ready to be done now!

2007-08-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

Dude, I have way too much stuff. Thats all I have to say. Even though I am proud of myself that I am not taking all of my shoes.

Out of the frying pan and into the fire

2007-08-20T13:21:00.000-07:00

In just four days I will drive the 3 hours - a small step, but a leap of faith - to Crowley Lake, CA, where thus is the beginning of so many things for me. Though already the growth process is long underway. It amazes me that just when you think you are safe, something else comes along to challenge and poke you out of your comfortable position.
I received word yesterday that two of the young ladies who had signed up for the program withdrew. Another of the young ladies signed up will not be here until December, so that leaves only one other girl in the program for the fall. One. Simultaneously our other male staff member is having trouble getting his visa into the states (he is from Australia). So here we are just weeks away from Masters starting, we have a program full of guys, but our male staff member is having trouble getting here. I am here and ready to go, and we don't have any girls! Life can be such an irony.
Just when I thought I was safe from the insecurity that nips at faith's heels, I find it chasing me again. But I am choosing anyways to have faith despite what I see. Life is a series of faith-building circumstances, as sometimes we go out of the frying pan and into the fire. In such situations faith is a fight more than ever.
This situation seems impossible - financially we are in a crunch. It is disheartening and discouraging. It makes me feel like I've lost my purpose. But what is the truth? Faith is working in this circumstance. Faith is the substance of what we are hoping for, the evidence we have now of what we do not see yet.
Can I forgot what I have just so recently seen? How I felt when I first began this journey? I felt unneeded, and even like I was imposing. All I wanted was purpose in my life - something to set my hands to where I felt needed and useful. I can still here Tom Lonsdale's words, "we need you, we just don't know it yet." And it proved to be true. I know we will see again the proof of God's hand working for the best in our lives. And in the end God's best and God's plan is always worth the journey.
So I am leaping into any entirely insecure looking circumstance, walking in faith that because God holds the situation in His hands, the future couldn't be any more secure. Who says being a Christian is boring? Living the life of faith is living life on the edge baby! Daniel 11:32b, "...but those who know their God shall be strong and do exploits." I know my God - at this point fear only makes the journey more exciting =)
Prayer Requests:

Matt & Abby Don (Master's Commission Directors) - This is their first year taking full leadership of the program. Pray that they would not be discouraged or disheartened by our current circumstances or by what they see. Pray that they would be filled with courage, faith, and wisdom.
Joel (The other staff member) - Pray that he would have favor to get his visa in time! That he would not be discouraged as well in the mist of circumstances that are opposing all of us.
Students - We still need students, especially girls. Pray that God would open up divine connections, and that He would make a way for the right people He has called to be a part of this program to get here.
We need new tires for one of the Master's Commission vehicles.
Please pray for our staff team that we would have eyes to see what God is doing, and to completely let Him reshape what He wants it to look like this year.

I threw it all away

2007-08-19T23:46:00.000-07:00

So the other day I started going through my stuff and throwing things away. Let me tell you, it was near therapeutic as I got rid of certain things. It was like shedding layers of junk that had built up (not just litterally). Feelings of being pushed out. Dispare of having so many doors in my life close over the last 9 months. The hopelessness I felt that God had good things, good plans in store for my life. I peeled off the doubt and threw it in the trash. A bag full of crap and I threw it all away. I'm ready for the new, and I'm not looking back...