Time and Feelings

“I know not what else to say, but that I am oft aloof in life’s paradox. It enthralls me, and I am overcome. Times goes ever tumbling into the great abyss of eternity, like sand through one’s fingers. But this thing I do grasp; that I feel. But indeed, this thing of time is of a much more substantial reality than those tangible things called feelings. For time overcomes feelings – it lays them bare and raw, stripped down to reality. Time allows us to see them as they really are. Time is the light, test, and proof of truth. And truth is the anchor to which we hold when all feeling would stand to deem a connotation of doubt and fear.”
- Friday, June 16th, 2006

Out on a limb.

Have you ever seen a child do something, and witnessed their mortification as they realize people are watching and then freak out? Or when you do something so stupid, and it just gets worse when you realize it didn't go unseen? Yeah. Sometimes life can feel like its on display. Alas for those moments when you let your guard down. That moment of transparency when all feels safe, and then all of a sudden...crap! Not as safe as you thought. Its a huge risk to take your shell off, and stand in a place of vulnerability. But oh the agony of being in such a place and then getting that detrimental feeling that you might have taken a fatal risk! To think you are safe and expose yourself. To be standing out in the open, vulnerable and bare. To think you are safe and to discover you are not is, well, simply petrifying...I long for the place of security, to let down completely, to give in, let go, to love and be loved with nothing hindered.

A New Day

A new day, a beautiful new day...
As I gazed out the window this morning I watched the storm clouds move over the silhouette of the mountains, as the sun came peaking through. The best mornings are the stormy ones. To see those big, grey clouds glide over the horizon, and watch the sun rise to illuminate them into a beautiful array of color. God can take the gloomy things - the hard things, and even little things that try our patience - and turn them into something beautiful. He takes life's storms and turns them into a beautiful sunrise. He turns darkness into incandescence."I think today is a good example of the place I am at right now. A little cloudy, a little windy. Things are gently moving, rearranging. Maybe a little uncertain. But scattered here and there are patches of blue, and every now and then the sun peaks out with it's refreshing warmth as a gentle reminder that it was there all along. Just another small storm passing through, on the verge of spring, with the promise of better weather to follow. But even so, I enjoy such days as these. And even though during stormy weather we dream of sunshine, we still can get tired of too many days of sunshine. Its days like this that refresh and calm the soul. And so I thank God for this season of my life. For I know He is in control, and with the promise of fair weather ahead, I seek to find joy even in the glooms of today, so as to completely enjoy tomorrow's sunshine..."
-Journal Entry, April 11th, 2007
2 Samuel 22:29, "For You are my lamp, O Lord, and the Lord illuminates my darkness."

From the inside out

Craziness...yeah. I just got back from a week in LA helping with a ski show. Man, that was hard work, long and hard, but fun. We picked up our new student, Melissa, who's from Australia, while we were there. She's amazing and I just love her! What a breath of fresh air - she's such a diligent worker, easy-going, and "heaps" of fun. These last two weeks have blown by in a furry of business, surprise, and awesome fellowship. The renovation I feel on the inside is insane. It is hard to see the ugly things God brings to the surface as He refines my life. In the last few weeks I feel as though I gave in to my own weariness, and I see all too clearly the vice of my own selfishness. It is so annoying to me to see how wired I am to put me first. But God's grace is changing me day by day, little by little, from the inside out.